3. Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry is almost single-handedly ruining TBS with his barrage of crap. Let's play a game. Which of these things is not like the other? Seinfeld, Friends, The Office, Tyler Perry's House of Payne. I could see if your shows were on FOX or something like that, but let's face it Tyler, your shows are sandwiched between legends which makes it even more apparent how crappy they are. If they were just on, that would be enough. But all the commercials for them just drive me insane. Oh yeah, way to go having the phrase "Best New Comedy" appear in the Meet the Browns commercial. Only if you read the fine print, you see that that honor was bestowed by a black organization. How many other new black comedies were out there this year that could have beaten it? The commercials make me just wince instead of cracking a smile. The jokes are just awful and unoriginal. And yes, I do believe black sitcoms can be funny. Smart Guy was sweet, Sister Sister had it's laughs, and two words: Steve Urkel.
And before you guys say, "Oh well what about Precious? Tyler Perry was behind that and it was up for Best Picture!" Tyler Perry had nothing to do with making Precious. All he did was watch it after it was done, realized it was so many levels ahead of anything he's done that he threw some money their way to help it get distribution. One final thing, love the way you put your name in front of everything you do. It's a good way for me to know right away that whatever follows is garbage.
2. Ben Roethlisberger
That's right, I'm from Pittsburgh and even I'm sick of Big Ben. You are lucky this whole Tiger Woods thing is such a circus or you'd be feeling more of the heat. Yes, you are a good quarterback. Are you on the level of the elites like Manning or Brady? Hell no. Do you have an arm? No. You're hail mary passes don't go more than 40 yards and every time we put in a backup like Dixon in there, it looks like he's throwing fastballs and you were throwing like a child. Well he must be smart right? No. Anybody who is smart knows it's better to scramble and then pick up 3 or 4 yards than keep scrambling and either get a 20 yard sack (most of the time) or a completion (occasionally).
So to what does Big Ben own his success to? Getting lucky. And how ironic because it seems like that's just something he can't manage to pull off with the ladies. Let's face it Ben, you're not a handsome dude. Yet how comical is it in Pittsburgh I have multiple acquaintances that have witnessed you first hand be a total douchebag. Apparently Ben likes to go up to girls in bars and instead of treating them to a drink or getting to know them, he treats them to a line like, "Hey baby, I chose you tonight." I'm not lying. So to hear now that you sexually assaulted a second girl is no surprise. You strike out more than the Pirates. And how unfortunate for you that both of these girls are smart. Instead of taking you to criminal court where the decision has to be unanimous to lock your ass up (which let's face it, will never happen as long as you still play) these girls are taking you to civil court where they only need a majority. They are going to take your money which is apparently the only thing you have going for you when attracting women since not only do you look weird, but you are a confirmed douchbag. I really hope I spot you in Pittsburgh so I can tell you this to your face and let the resulting action result in you paying for my college education.
3. Perez Hilton
And finally, Perez Hilton. You are quite a piece of work. Now Tyler Perry, he's in Hollywood. He acts, he writes, he produces. He does things. Ben Roethlisberger, he earns his living through professional football. Now I ask you Perez, what do you do? For those that don't know, he runs some awful gossip website where the talks about and does his best the trash the reputation of actual celebrities. That's it. That's all he really does. You gossip about others. What a legacy to leave. I'm so glad will.i.am punched you right in your fat face. And you have the nerve to sue him for all your "mental anguish" and the damage it gave your reputation. As well as your black eye. I couldn't stop smiling when I saw that video of you crying about it afterward. How ironic that you damage people's reputations and cause them mental anguish every day on your website. will.i.am just managed to do it with his fist. I'm sure you will try to spin this as well as any other attack against you as a hate crime since you happen to be homosexual. Hiding behind your sexuality is almost as bad as leeching off the fame of others to make a name for yourself. I envy will.i.am for getting to experience what it is like to punch one right into your fat head and trust me, if I become a director who works in Hollywood, write something about me and I promise you that I'll get to know exactly how Mr. i.am felt.
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